I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
