therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
