Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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