is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
