woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
