I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
