its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
