Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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