cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
