I need help removing her.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
