i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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