You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
