sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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