I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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