WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
