fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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