I just cut my nipple shaving
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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