genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
