I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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