Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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