Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
