Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
