Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
