so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
