Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
