Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
