I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
