we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
