If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
