Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
