i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
