a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need moral support for this bender
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize