I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
