Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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