Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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