my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
