He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
