The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
