I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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