Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
