My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
