The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
