If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
