just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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