and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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