this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
