im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
