She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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