I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's never too late to be topless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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