She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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