wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
