areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
