sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
