these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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