Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
