I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
