Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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