One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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