I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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