yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
