I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
