sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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